Sunday, January 27, 2013


I want to write down things I remember about raising two boys, I am sure if I had girls I would have just as many stories.  Life at the Harts have been filled with much laughter some tears and many smiles and yes some arguing.


Landon was a snugly baby right from the get go. I think he knew that I would need that since I had just lost my baby girl and my arms would be aching to hold my baby all the time. He still likes to lay on my lap and have me tickle his back while we watch TV. He is not home any more all that often so I try to take advantage of it when it happens.

Landon and I were buddies and when  I was home (not working) we were always together.  We would make trips to our local K-mart just to look around, he loved riding in the cart looking at all the toys, his favorite at this time in his short 1 year of life was Barney! a purple dinosaur!

He was a very easy baby and very laid back until it came to night time, this is the time he wanted to held the most. He would sleep and sleep until I laid him down.  After he was one I was trying to break him of this habit so I would go into him room and  just hold his hand through the slats of his crib, I gave up on this pretty fast as I was still having to get up and be right next to him. I went back to holding him. I am glad I did you can never turn back the hands of time.

He was eager to learn to read and write but school was not always his thing. All of his teachers thought he was ADHD and wanted him medicated.  by the time he hit 5th grade I talked to his doctor to see what he thought.  after some talking he had me convinced to try him on some medication, so as an experiment I gave him the medication and did not tell his teacher I did this as the doctor said that if he was indeed ADHD things a school would change immediately! Three months went by with no word from his teacher so I went in to get some homework that he had left and his teacher was still there and she once again started in on me about medicating him.....Hmmm that's interesting....I stated I was glad she brought it up, I said just for fun I want to ask you a question? has there been any change at all in the last 2-3 months with Landon in your class?  No none why she asks....That's when I informed her that he has been medicated and that since there has been no change he would no longer be taking the medicine and that she should stop bugging me about him being ADHD that he is just a boy!


Was not a snugly baby right from the get go! want to eat and be put down to put himself to sleep.  Only slept in my room one night as he was such a noisy sleeper, he groaned all night so I couldn't sleep!
Being the 2nd child I felt a teeny tiny bit of happiness that he was one that could put himself to sleep, since I worked full time had a 2 and 1/2 year old, I was a busy mom!  But on the other hand I missed having a baby that loved to be held!

Tanner went to LaPetite for pre-school and learned quick and was a really happy boy!  but of if he got mad watch out he could throw a tantrum that could last for hours! Everyone was always surprised when they would see this side of him, it would come on so quickly.

when he was about three i gave him a piece of bread with honey on it, as he was eating it I needed him to do something so I asked him to put it down, so he did upside down on my couch!  I said NOOOOOOOO why did you put it upside down .....and he then asked why did you put the honey on the bottom?

When in the 5th grade he got in trouble (for all thing)stealing a recycled cell phone. (they were doing some sort or recycle program ) so this phone he got in trouble for taking was no ones, it was garbage in which he tells me some other kids put it in his back pack to get him in trouble. None the less he got so mad for getting into trouble for something he claimed he didn't do he ran way from school. He teacher Mrs. Smith even left the class to go drive around to try to find him. By the time they got a hold of me they were in a panic and wanting to call the police it had been over an hour and no one could find him...They asked me if I wanted them to call the police, I told them no I was sure I could find him.  I left work on my way home I called the house and he answered. he informed me that he was home cleaning ( smart kid trying to get on moms good side) When I got home I informed he that I was taking him back to school that this was no way to resolve this situation. He told me that he lives in America and that I couldn't make him go back.  That we live in a FREE COUNTRY!  I kindly explained what living in a free country means and then I took him back to school!  Crisis over!

Oh the joys of boys!  More throw back memories to come!

Saturday, January 19, 2013

The Perks of Being A Wall Flower

I just got home from seeing the movie "THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER" While I had never heard of it the title was catchy and I thought I might be able to relate. Oh how I related.

It is a story of a group of misfit high school kids who for one reason or another just didn't fit in with the "In Crowd"  Oh how I remember having those same feelings from time to time while I was trying my best to grow up. I remember those days as I walked the halls of my high school saying hi to those I past to only get the feeling I was invisible, it seemed at that time I had not one friend. To only turn around the next day to having everyone say hi back and some others even saying something kind to me that I was positive knew nothing of me just the prior day.

There were days that all you would hear is the "Gossip" and really who knows if any of what was being said had any truth at all. There sat someone by themselves and everyone just thought "What a looser" then there was the pretty girls and the jocks who you just wished for once knew you were alive!

Really and truly I loved high school as I look back It was a good time for me, I had friends many of them and there are a few that I still keep in touch with. And thanks to social media I have come to know some that back in the day....the days of high school for any number of reasons we did not connect. Probably for some of the reasons I listed earlier. Because in high school you just don't get it.  cannot even fathom what really matters. Oh if I could go back to those days with the knowledge I have today high school would be such a different experience.

What would I do differently:
I would not take everything so personally.  If someone didn't say "hi" back I would just keep smiling and say hi anyway.

That person that was sitting alone I would go and ask to sit with them. Try to get to know them.

You never know how your actions can affect a persons life. For better or worse.

I would try to make a new friend everyday.

I would do something unexpected, help someone some how big or small.

Not to judge

Be more accepting.

Be a real friend

Believe in youself

Take school more seriously, understand that you work habits there will carry with you.

As I watched this movie tonight I thought about these things and I think for most of the time I do these things.......Now.....Sure there is always room for improvement. I just wish we could learn them earlier in life.

Why can we not listen and learn from those that have already walked in our shoes? why must we learn through our own mistakes, hardships. If only we could see ahead to the future to know what really matters!

Even if others never see us as a Wall Flower......We have all been there.

Be the one who makes a difference in the life of someone else!

Tuesday, January 8, 2013


I have had 4 since I turned 40...The first time I was notified that there was something not quit right they needed a second look. It was on my left side. I assured them it was nothing I knew what would cause it to look like something was wrong I was sure it was from me having Cerebral Palsy all the muscles are affected on the left side. I amused them and went back for another look and I was right it was nothing. Then the next year all was normal. However the following year I didn't go in.  There was a big campaign going on that you didn't need to go in every year that every two to three years was sufficient. The following year all was well.  This last year as in November.......Well......was a different story......

I am talking about mammograms. I am one that does not do self exams. But I have yet to notice anything out of the ordinary.

I decided that since I am in my mid 40's that I wasn't going to wait 2-3 years that I should go in every year. My mom's sister was diagnosed with breast cancer in her mid to late 40's.  so I made my appointment and I had my mammogram on 11/15. It was just like any other and I was having no signs of anything. So I went did the usual thing and was on my way home within 20 minutes.  I thought no more about it at all until a few days later when I came home to a voice mail message from the hospital stating that I needed to call them, it was to late that day so I wrote the number down so I could call them the following day and of course I forgot so when I got home I hurried and called them fully planning on telling them the same thing I did the first time....That it was nothing.

My conversation did not go as planned. It went something like this:
Yes we need to see you again
OK, when
soon, we found a mass on your right side
oh really the right side, not the left?
that is correct...the right side
Yes we will need to schedule you for the "Breast Cancer Center" they have a special mammogram machine.
Oh OK.
I am not nervous and I don't know why. When friends of mine have gotten the same news I am horrified.

I go back in not sure why they have sent me to the "Breast Cancer Center" for just a second look. I didn't have to do this the first time I was told something didn't "Look" right. Oh well I play along. First I am taken back to change then I am escorted to the room that is holding the massive machine although it doesn't look so much different than a normal one.  While they get everything ready I can see on the TV monitor the image of my left breast with a blob that I am sure is the "mass" it looks to me like a bubble. This is when it hits me, there really is something there and my mind starts to race, I start thinking how will my family survive without me, who will do their laundry, who will find all their missing items. make them dinner, make sure they all know where they need to be and when.  I am brought back to reality when the nice lady tells me she is ready to start I slip the right side of the gown off and step forward so I can be placed in just the exact spot where they can get just the right picture to determine if this mass is something to worry about or not. This particular machine takes pictures in a slicing motion so it moves around the front of your body in a vertical way. after a few different angles she is satisfied that she has the best possible pictures.  I think that my stint there is done. not even close. Next I am then lead down the hall to the ultrasound room.  I am positioned on a gurney laying half on my side with a block holding me into place. Next I am told to move my arm above my head
and to stay still I lay like this for close to 20 mins. while the lady tries to find the "Mass" I am able to see the screen and see what she sees.  Like that matters all I can make out  is a bunch of black and white blobs which looks like nothing to me, until she hits a spot that is definitely "something"  she marks it on the screen then keeps looking. she finally tells me she is getting the doctor to come look at what she found.  He is in there quickly. He starts to look around and sees what she has found soon he is marking my chest with a marker then his places a sticker on the located mass.  I am then sent back for another mammogram.  They conclude that the mass they found in the ultrasound is a completely different mass from what the mammogram found so I have TWO. Now my mind has been set sailing back to the "how will my family go on without me" stint.  but is pulled back quickly as the nurse is leading me back to where the doctor is so he can show me the separate mass' and advises that he want to aspirate the one and biopsy the other.  He tells me that he is sure it is nothing to worry about but he doesn't want to play the chance game.  He then tells me that if it is cancer it will be 100% curable since it is so small. One mass was around 1 cm the other pushing 4cm.  He wants to know if I have any questions?  Ummmm....No I say...... my mind is empty.

I am taken back to the locker I change then go set my next appointment. 12-10.

The day finally arrives. I make it to my appointment, I am taken to the back where I am shown my locker and handed the lovely hospital gown where I am told to undress and put the gown on so it opens in the front. I had brought with me a pair of sweats and a warm fuzzy pair of slippers. I thought of comfort since I was told I would be there 2-3 hours.

I am taken to the ultra sound room where I am again positioned and prepped for the aspiration.  The doctor tells me that if fluid comes out it is a good thing. He has been talking to me as he has been prepping and soon he is ready to start. He tells me that is going to give me a shot to numb the stings.and soon he is checking to see if I am numb. It has worked and now he is inserting the needle I can see on the screen what he is doing and I can feel the pressure he is pressing hard.  Finally he reaches the mass and inserts the needle. I do not see any changes on the screen but he says that it is draining which means there was fluid.  He explains that since there was fluid and it drained that it was a cyst and only a cyst nothing else needs to be done.  I am in the clear on that one.

I breath a silent sigh of relief

I am now being lead into a room that has a bed that I need a step ladder to climb upon to reach the bed. I am laid on my stomach where there is an opening for my chest.  the doctor will be performing this procedure from the underside of the bed.  I am numbed again then he makes an incision that is the size of my pinky nail then a device is inserted to take several pieces of the mass out.  This whole procedure takes about an hour. then I have to lay there for sometime while they take everything off me and to get taped up.  After all that is done I am taken back for another mammogram. They then asses that all looks good and I can now go.  I will have the results in three days....

The longest 3 days ever..........

Wednesday comes and goes no word.
so does Thursday what does this mean?
Friday I call and they state they have left a message on Monday, so apparently one of the boys seen our light blinking and listened and thought nothing of the long awaited message not knowing that it was like a LIFE AND DEATH call for me..

They tell me that the "Mass" was NOT cancer. That is was just a lymph noid that had grown into a fatty mass.

In the clear again.

With another sigh of relief!

My mind is reeling again......My family will be ok!  I am not going anywhere! I will be here to keep nagging them to pick up the dishes, clean their room and do their laundry!

Maybe they would not really miss me!

But in the end this is the end result that is wanted by so many and yet there are still to many that are now worrying about their family.  I am grateful it is not me! But they will  always be in my heart with the knowledge it could have been me.

So if you are having that thought should I get a mammogram....get off the couch and the computer and make that call....Do it today!