HERO

picture/poem posted on facebook by Misty Fielding


It all started about 9 years ago, I had a dream that one of my dear friends died and went to heaven and met my daughter Jailee, in my dream they became the best of friends, I was so happy that my Jailee had someone with her that new me. So on Monday  I went to work and told my friend about the dream I had,  she then ask how she had died? I was so nonchalant it hadn't even occurred to me that I didn't know I didn't think it was all that important I was just so into the idea that now she knew my Jailee! and besides the fact she was 26 years old she was not really going to die.......We laughed about it and it has been a "little" thing with us ever since! I went on my way with my life not giving that dream any other thought, but not really ever forgetting either untill.............

A few weeks later my "friend" Nicole told me that she had breast cancer, my heart sunk how could I have been so thoughtless, I was mortified about telling my dream. I apologized right then about how I had put her thoughts and feelings aside and was so into my selfish desires.  And as Nicole always was she just laughed about it consoling me. trying to make me feel ok!  Nicole told all of us that was close to her not to feel sorry for her, that everything was going to be ok!  for the first 6 years that she had cancer I never seen her cry, and she very rarely missed work! Sometimes I forgot completely that she had cancer.  She was the bubbliest, happiest person all the time. The first round of chemo seemed to do the trick, she was well for 1 year then the cancer came back in her bones and that is when they told her she would be in treatment for the remainder of her life, but you would still never know that she was sick and she still never missed much work. I didn't ask her about her cancer very often I didn't want to dwell on it, she didn't seem to.  Then about two years ago she was told she had brain tumors these last two years really took a toll on her for the first time I seen her cry, miss work and plain just not feel well. She got disoriented, forget silly things like her passwords to her computer, these things plain out just made her mad! It was so sad but no one dared to tell her that because she still insisted that no one feel sorry for her. In this last year she found love! What an amazing man she found, I only met him once but in that short time I seen him interact with her I knew that he truly LOVED her! he treated her like she deserved.... like a queen! He took her on romantic rides up in the mountains, had a picnic in the back of his truck while they looked at the lights in the valley and just looked at the stars, I had never seen her so in love. She deserved all of it! the fairy tale guy that rode in on a horse and carried her away and took care of her!

Last year Nicole came to me and told me about her weekend, she said wasn't feeling all that great and was alone, but she felt she was not alone, she said that she had the most calmest feeling come over her and that she believed that Jailee was with her, I was so touched!  of all the people that had passed that loved and knew Nicole here on earth, she felt like Jailee had come to comfort her... I told her that I thought it was possible that because I loved her ( Nicole) so much that Jailee had gone in my place.  ( I know this may sound odd, but I truly believe that our loved ones that have passed on can and do many great things from the other side). I have no idea why these two have a connection ( besides me)  but I really think they do! I am so glad she told me this experience it made me feel just that much closer to her.

There are so many words that described her, here are just a few:

Beautiful, caring, funny, contagious, inspiring, uplifting, amazing, selfless, calm, confident, joker, and HERO!

She had a way about her......She made all of her friends feel so special, like a best friend! She has inspired me to be a better person, those who knew her are blessed because she was a part of their life no matter the connection.

Today earth lost a great person........Today heaven will never be the same! I am sure there is much rejoicing and a great reunion with all that have gone before her.

My life improved the day I met you Nicole, I will love you forever!  Rest in Peace My friend, Rest in Peace!

This saying is so NICOLE!

IT'S SO GOOD FOR ME!

Almost a year ago I participated in a health assessment at work and I was shocked by the results...It made me take a step back and look at how I was living my life and what I could do to make some changes in order for me to be a bit more healthy...my weight for one had skyrocketed I weighed more than when I was 9 months pregnant....in fact my weight at the time of the assessment was so much more than when I delivered my babies I could have been carrying twins...WOW!!! So the same week of the assessment I started walking....Walking my neighborhood, there are many up and down hills and I couldn't walk all that long. but I was persistent and kept on walking...soon it was not so hard and I was able to walk without being out of breath. I continued walking throughout the winter.  I fell one night and was sure I had broke my tailbone, it hurt for a good month, in the end I don't think I broke it but just had a deep bruise...I was very leery to walk after it snowed.  January came and it was time for Bill and Tanner to renew their gym membership and to add me was only 30.00 for the whole year, now I have a safe place to walk.  After I had done that for sometime I decided  that my body was getting use to it and I needed to change things up so I started running, the gym has an indoor track and at first I could only run ( when I say run, it's more of a slow, really slow jog) one time around the track, then I was exhausted, I kept trying and soon I was able to run ( I think I am actually running by this point)  2 times around the track, I was able to walk two then run 2  for 3 miles..I did that routine for a few months then one day I couldn't run at all my legs just felt weak, time to change it up again.  so I started strength training. I have started to lift weights with my legs and arm...ohhh the burn! One day my friend from work came to work out with me, she showed me some things to do I was able to keep up pretty good and we worked out for almost 2 hours, the next two days I paid for that I was pretty sore but I kept going every day and soon the pain was gone, until the next time she came and we start to do some abdominal training....Can you say hurt I couldn't even cough without hurting, I came to find out during that session that I cannot do a sit up so that has been what I am working on I can do a sit up but it's still hard.  I will get there!!!  Since my strength training started I can run again....Now I can run 4-6 times around the track continuously.  Since my original assessment I have lost 14 pounds and I feel good! I still want to loose more but I am on the right track. It feels great to be in better shape and it's fun to be able to go to the gym and workout with my family.

So here is to good Health, Happiness, and to NEVER giving up!

FRIEND

Today while at lunch I got a phone call from a co-worker telling me that another friend/coworker had passed away in the early morning hours.  My heart sunk into my stomach, Susette had been so ill for so long she lost weight so fast and was not able to keep anything she ate down, had been in and out of the hospital many times searching for answers all over the United States and Mexico. she went to so many specialists and at first no one had any answer this went on for months until an MD out in Tooele finally gave her an answer.....not an answer any of  us would want to hear....Cancer - Ovarian how could this happen to a healthy 40 year old a mother, wife, daughter and friend. It was more news than she could comprehend. She traveled all over seeking treatment. She tried many new and unconventional therapies.  She continued to loose weight and the pain was more than anyone should have to go through.  In the early morning hours today she lost her battle. she is now pain free and is now home where she will be with her Father in Heaven and her Dad that she lost not that long ago and missed so much! I am sure she is saddened knowing that she leaves behind her husband and young son..a son that lost a mother way to soon, being 9 can he comprehend what has happened, or is it....can we as adults comprehend being 9 and no longer have a mom? I am so sad for him. I am 45 and cannot imagine what it will be like, I feel scared just thinking about it.  Life was never meant to be easy or to always go as planned. Today I am glad that I had the chance to be her friend one that I shared many happy times with, shared many moments both good and bad with. A friend I shared many stories and was able to laugh and to cry together. She was a great mom...Always thinking of Braden before anything or anyone else. she would drop everything to make sure he was taken care of. They always had the best Halloween costumes and when I say "they" I mean the whole family dressed up...one year they were Thelma, Fred and Scooby Doo. They took wonderful family vacations so Braden will always have some great memories.  And I will always remember a good friend!
May you rest in peace Susette!  You will be dearly missed.

BOOTLEG BIKE VIDEO

WATCH AND ENJOY! THESE BOYS ARE CRAZY!!

1ST BIKE RACE OF THE YEAR!

Over President's Day weekend we headed out to Boulder City Nevada to a downhill mountain bike race.  Tanner is in hope of making it to the podium this race with a 3rd place or better, it would give him some much needed points and give him some confidence to move up and race against the BIG boys!

We started our trek to Nevada at 4:00am and made it to St. George around 8:30 so we made a quick stop at McDonald's for a little breakfast, we eat on the run as we needed to make it to the race site by 10:30 NV time which is an hour behind us.  We made it there roughly 10:45 so we were not to off schedule.  Bill goes to sign in and get his plate numbers for the race. Tanner will be racing in two separate races one is the "real" race the other a fun race that will be run without chains on their bikes.  Tanner gets busy with his bikes and getting his gear on, today will be a practice run until it get dark.  After all is settled in I get all comfy in the car with my blankets pillows and my book "The Hunger Games"  I have brought some snacks so I am good to go. I read until my eyes can hardly stay open and my vision is starting to see 2 and three of the same lines...it's time to stop and get some shut eye...I am not sure how long I slept but I do know I really went out, after all I have been up since 3:00am.  I wake up and start reading again. by this time I am sure it's getting late in the afternoon, I am right they are getting ready to head out to get something to eat. We all go the Tony's Pizza and enjoy a lot of laughs and some really great pizza. I just so happen to be the only Mom that has come along for this trip, So it was just me three Dad's and 3 boys so I am a little out numbered.  All is good!  They make sure I am well taken care of.  The next day is the same as day one....I thought about spending the at the hotel but decide I might miss something exciting so I go and do day one all over again....It is fun to be there to support Tanner in his sport.

Sunday is RACE day and Tanner gets to be the 6th racer in his catagory, Bill and I hike to a spot were we can see Tanner come around the mountain head down the hill hit a step up and go to the finish.  We hike for almost 30 mins. We are there in plenty of time to see some of the others come racing by us.  Soon I see a glimpse of Tanner's helmet shimmer from the sun as he comes in between the mountain, there is another racer just in front of him they are too close and Tanner is coming upon him fast, there will be  no room for Tanner to pass. and he will have to slow down, Just as the front rider has to go in between two rocks he crashes and goes of the course, I felt so bad for him! but it opened the course for Tanner to be able to carry on without having to slow down, he gets to the step up which is right in front of us and he is going FAST! we are so excited it looks like he is having a great race!  he makes it to the finish and is told he is in 3rd place.  Just what he wanted but there are still more riders to go....Bill and I now have to make the hike back to the car, one of Tanner's friends Demitri has been seen yet and we are all worried that something has happened. His dad stays on the race course watching and we will call him once we reach the boys..We finally make the trek back to find out that Demitri had gotten a flat tire and was not able to race now that's a BUMMER! it is so disappointing. The race is over for Tanner's catagory and Tanner had in fact taken 3rd place! his time was 5 mins. 13 seconds.  He is one HAPPY boy! and I was so happy that I was able to be there to celebrate in his win!

Now it is time for the chainless race, this means that no one can pedal so its either push with their feet and pumping the bike by jumping up and down to just having the momentum of the hill to get the racers down the hill.  Tanner takes 28th out of 35 and has a really fun time. We stay for the awards ceremony then head to grab a bit to eat, we get Mexican food which was really tasty then head back to the hotel, it's been a long weekend full of fun and excitement! and now us 3 are pretty tired so we get right to bed, in the morning we head to breakfast then hit the happy trails home,  we make it home around 5 that night and we are all glad to be home, first time we have all gone but Landon and he seemed to handle things at home pretty well without us.  We had gotten a snow storm and he thought he would get called out to work so that is why he didn;t come along...although I think he would have gotten pretty bored just hanging out at the races all weekend after all I read 1 and 2 of the Hunger Game series.....

Good Job Tanner can't wait to see how the rest of the season goes..................
                                                   
                                                The bike /rider shuttle

How the bikes travel and where I spent my time

                                          Tanner during the race                                                                                                                                                                                                                    

                                       
                                          Tanner telling me he took 3rd place

                                               some dude waiting for the shuttle.....so tired!

                                          Tanner crossing the finish line in the chainless race

                                         the winners!

ONLY MY VALENTINE

This holiday is not one that we make much of a fuss over. But I can say that I love Bill more and more every year and we have grown closer together over the years and for this I am so thankful!  Many of my friends do not have this same kind of relationship and that just makes me sad.  I cannot even imagine my life without him!!.....But the following is how we showed our love for one another on Valentines Day:

Me through text:

Hey sweetie just wanted to tell that I am so HaPpY that I said YES to you 25 years ago today. I love you so much!

Bill response through text:

I don't know who you think your talking to but I have only been married for 2 years to a young hot chick!  and I am not that old!!!

Me:

Oops sorry wrong number!!!


I am so glad that he has a sense of humor....believe it or not that totally made my day!  I wouldn't want him any other way.....I love you Bill Hart!  Thanks for being my Valentine for the last 25 years!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEAUTIFUL GIRL!

Dear Jailee,                                                         February 11, 2012

This month marks what would have been a milestone birthday for you!  One that is hard to believe is here already.  How has 21 years gone by? I can still hear your little giggle and wonder what it would sound like now, you had beautiful almond shaped eyes that were blue...would they still be the same?  I wonder if I would still be the shortest one in the family? How tall would you be? I sure wish that you could have stayed so I could have seen what you would have liked to do, how you would have thrown a tantrum, would you have been shy or out going, funny or somber? Had many friends or just a few? I would have loved to see you interact with your friends been there to laugh with you and cry with you! To be your mom was the best thing I could dream of! I was so so excited to think I actually had a girl! I feel so honored that you chose me as your mom if it was only for a few months!  There is not a day that goes by that my heart and mind drifts to visions of you, your smile, how you liked to cuddle and play for hours how you rolled to where ever it was you wanted to get to, how you were lightening fast, how your little head looked everywhere to take everything in. You had the tiniest hands.  I really think that your brothers would have loved to have an older sister, they have asked me many times do you think Jailee would have liked to ski, bike, skateboard?  Or do you think she would have just liked girlie stuff? I always tell them I am sure she would have liked to do all those things as long as she got to do them with her brothers.  In my heart I hope deeply that we would have gotten along, that as you grew into a young women that you would have made good choices, been a girl that received and gave respect, a girl that stood up for the weak, made a difference in our world!  I don't mean that you had to be on a pedestal  all the time, Just that overall you would be good girl!  This world we all come to is full of hard choices, it's a challenge for us all. You had such a sweet innocent short life that at times I envy you....You have made it to the best possible place, while the rest of us have to have struggles, fears, hardships.  There are times I am so grateful you did not have to grow up in these hard times, as I have had to watch your brothers make choices that I wish they would not have, seen them hurt by words and actions of others. But always....my heart aches to hold you, to see you to laugh and cry with you!  Just to have you in our home....but for now I will dream of what life would have been like with you in it and I will smile....just because you were here! I find comfort in knowing that Heaven holds my treasure! I will love you forever my baby girl!   Happy 21st Birthday!

Love,

Mom
XOXO